Hey, I hope you are doing well and keeping yourself constructively occupied in the pandemic.
In this post, we will look in detail, the difference between two commonly confused terms in English language and the role they play in your personal happiness.
First of all, loneliness sucks.
Secondly, you need solitude, every single day.
What is solitude?
Solitude is the state of being in your own company, by choice. The choice is the determinant in the difference between the two states of existence. You are by yourself because you want to be by yourself. It has not been forced upon you.
Solitude is a positive state of existence. In fact, you need solitude on a daily basis to be able to reflect on your state of mind and state of life.
If you work in a corporate set up and are surrounded by colleagues most of the time, take some time off during the day, and take a walk. A solitary walk will help you clear your mind and you will be able to work better.
Solitude has a lot of benefits. One of the most important benefits of solitude is that it allows you to make friends with yourself. You learn to talk to yourself while you are alone, and as a consequence you understand yourself better.
I have been a frequent solo traveler for a few years of my life. I traveled to plains, mountains and beaches, all by myself during that period and as a consequence I understand myself better than I used to. I wrote during the period, read books or just lay by myself in front of the waves.
If you really think about it, not many people have the ability to enjoy solitude. A lot of people I know always need company and just because of that reason, they end up with people who are counterproductive to their state of joy.
If you can’t be happy in your own company, how would you accept someone else to be? Only when you think you are good company, others may also think so.
Solitude is a great way to understand the kind of company you are. Solitude also helps in self-awareness. If we want to be happier, self-awareness is the key to it. Only when you understand yourself more, you can try and create a life around it.
Solitude, therefore, is positive and should be sought. Only people who are comfortable with solitude go on and build healthy relationships with others. People are not comfortable with themselves become too insecure when they can’t find company and this leads to stress and anxiety.
The society needs more people who are comfortable in their own skin before they go out and seek relationships of the professional or the personal kind.
Seek solitude. It will make you a better and a happier person.
Now, let us look at loneliness. What exactly is loneliness?
Loneliness is the state of needing company and not having it. Please note the difference here between solitude and loneliness.
You want solitude. You do NOT want to be lonely.
However, an interesting distinction here is that not everyone wants solitude but nobody wants to be lonely.
Loneliness is a massive problem. It is a huge disease. It is bigger than AIDS and has existed for a long time.
I would even qualify loneliness here. Loneliness is not having your kind of company. Look, it’s not difficult to find company. The world has over 7 billion people and there are multiple apps to meet people these days like Tinder for dating and other apps for professional or social networking.
However, what is difficult is to find your kind of company.
People who belong to well knit, emotionally well connected families do not face the problem of loneliness. If you belong to a family where each member of the family looks for each other, you are extremely fortunate since you would not be lonely.
However, everyone is not as fortunate and lot of people belong to dysfunctional families where people feel alone while in the company of their family members. There are always people around us, but what we need to get rid of loneliness is people who understand us.
There is a beautiful quote I read years back and it has always stayed with me- home, is where they understand you.
Home isn’t necessarily blood relatives, although we are fortunate if they are. Home is people who understand you. Therefore, as an example, your home could be your girlfriend, even if you have a wife.
If your wife is your home, that’s the point. You don’t have to look outside for another home since your home makes you happy.
How to get rid of loneliness?
Now that we have understood that loneliness is a negative emotion, we need to approach it as a problem to be solved. If you find yourself lonely, that is, you want company and you don’t have it, look for the ways you can meet new people. You don’t need to meet anyone. You need to try and meet your kind of people.
You need to decide what are you looking for?
Are you looking for a romantic relationship? You can check out the dating apps available on Google play store.
Are you looking for friends? Try the social apps like Facebook.
Not just that, go all guns blazing, and attend social events and meet people. See how you feel, and keep experimenting.
It’s important to take initiative and go after your loneliness. There is no reason you deserve to be lonely.
I strongly feel that we will find company if we seek out company. There is no reason you have to be lonely. There are many people looking out for company and they may be looking for you.
In conclusion, do not allow yourself to be lonely. If you find yourself lonely, that’s a problem that you need to solve. If you work hard on finding company, you will find company.
On the other hand, solitude is the desire to be by yourself and I highly recommend that you cultivate it. It will leave you enriched with a better understanding of yourself, and happier.
I hope you enjoyed the post.
Thank you for reading.
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