Welcome to the happiness blog. In case you are visiting for the first time, please do not forget to follow. Each post on this blog has a single objective- to make your everyday life happier.
You would know by now that I think about important questions about happiness every day. I want me and everyone else to lead a sustainably happy life. In order to do that, it is important to look at happiness from multiple perspectives and that is one of the goals of this happiness blog.
So, can you be happy all the time? Can I be happy all the time?
The answer is a big NO. It is not realistic or possible to be happy all the time.
We cannot be happy all the time. The goal is to organize your life in a way that you feel happy quite often. None of us can feel happy all the time. Life goes up and it goes down, sometimes, multiple times in the day. The goal is to feel happy and relish in it when you find happiness, and to calmly bear the suffering when you face it.
Suffering will be there
Life is a roller coaster. It goes down, like it goes up. When it goes down, you will feel low, defeated, in pain and that is okay. I have seen so much pain in my life already that I didn’t even foresee it. I didn’t plan to feel pain. The pain happened. I have always tried to organize my life in a manner that I feel happier with every passing day, but a lot of pain has happened along with the moments of joy that I have been blessed to have.
You will also suffer. All of us are given a share of pain and a share joy. Suffering is a part of life. You can try to minimize it, but you definitely cannot eliminate it. Expect it, so that it doesn’t hit you like a brick in the wall when it happens. Even if you expect it, you will still be pained.
I had an aunt who fought breast cancer, unsuccessfully. She did everything medically not to die because of the cancer, but at one point, the cancer reached a stage where the doctors told her that she would not last beyond a few days, or weeks. They didn’t couldn’t tell how long she had, but they told her at the hospital to go back home and prepare to die.
I met her before she died and asked her, ‘what have you made of yourself?’
She looked at me and said, ‘what could I do?’
In that moment, I knew she was going to die, and she knew she was going to die. There was nothing but pain and we could do nothing but absorb it. She was a non-smoker and non-drinker.
That was a moment of extreme pain. Even beyond that, there have been multiple moments in life where pain was the truth in the moment and nothing else could have been done. There have been periods where there has been nothing but pain.
You would also have those moments. People will die. You may lose your job. Your business may shut down. You may develop a disease out of nowhere. A virus from an Asian country may stop your entire life and you wouldn’t know what to do. You may be forced to divorce/break up with someone you loved.
Pain is a given and it is bound to happen. However, there are things about our lives that we can try to fix so that when such exigencies happen, we have the ways to deal with pain-emotionally, financially or psychologically.
How to experience happiness more frequently?
Since we can’t experience happiness all the time, we need to create our lives in way that we can be happier more often. I guess that’s what this blog is about- to help people find ways to be happy more often than not.
In order to be happy more often, we need to design our lives for happiness and that means all the things that we are saying here- building self-awareness, finding your passion, finding work that is in sync with your passion, building relationships based on compatibility.
Even if you do all of these things which is quite difficult to do, you will still end up in pain every now and then, but your routine life will not be unhappy. The idea is to put happiness in your fucking routine.
Since there will be pain, we need to understand how to deal with pain.
How to deal with pain?
Since pain is inevitable, the easiest way to deal with it is to mentally accept it and absorb it. There is no better way to deal with pain than being able to absorb it. Perhaps, that’s the difference between innocence and maturity. When kids are in pain, they cry and wail, while adults learn that pain is a part of life and therefore, they can deal with it better.
You can also deal with pain by taking help in whichever way you deem fit. You can rely on your family, friends, or a counsellor if needed and they will help you deal with your pain. Sometimes, you would just need someone to listen to you patiently, and you would feel better.
The idea is to get over painful feelings as early as you can. Every time, there is pain, look at the source of pain and ask yourself if you can do something about it. If the pain is because of the demise of a loved one, for example, then there is nothing you can do about it. You would have to just drink in the pain, and still carry on with life because nobody can do anything about people who leave us for their final journeys. That’s something absolutely beyond your control, and you need to accept it, drink in the pain, and move on with your life. Life cannot stop because people die. It won’t and it should not.
However, if the pain is because of something that you could do something about, then go and do something about it. Do not just sit there and let the painful situation deteriorate. Let us say you are in pain because you are looking for a job and haven’t found one in a while. It is a painful situation. However, if you keep sitting and hoping for a solution to emerge, it won’t happen. Finding a job is a full time job. You would need to make a plan to attack this problem and go all guns blazing. If you realize after a period of search that there is no job available in the market for your experience and profile, you may need to alter your reality and start a business that would take care of your expenses and time.
Pain comes in different forms and intensity
There is physical pain which may occur because you have hurt yourself in an accident, for example. You would be required to rest and treat the pain so that you can get back to your normal life, once you recover from the wound or the disease.
There is emotional pain which happens in relationships, in matters relating to your career. This is way more frequent than physical pain and we need to learn how to deal with it. It can be dealt with either fixing the problem or removing it. There is no other way to deal with this pain. If you are in pain because you are in a bad relationship which causes you pain on a regular basis, you need to either fix the relationship, if it can be fixed, or you need to eliminate this relationship from your life, no matter how close it is. Relationships that are painful should have no place in our lives.
Now, both these kinds of pain could take various forms and types. Emotional pain is more painful than physical pain because physical pain is mostly treatable by medical science. Emotional pain, when prolonged, can lead to imbalance in mental health and depression.
Therefore, our key focus in dealing with pain should be to not allow it to become chronic, be it physical or emotional. When pain becomes chronic, it causes severe damage to our lives and impairs the quality of our lives for a long term.
Therefore, it is important to take care of both our physical and mental health so that pain doesn’t become a regular feature in our lives. Pain come and goes on a regular basis, but the idea is to live in a way that pain is a visitor in our lives, and not a permanent guest.
We started with the question can we be happy all the time, and in the analysis, we have focused largely on how to deal with pain. This clearly answers the question with a loud negative.
We cannot be happy all the time, and therefore, we must do whatever possible to be happy as much as possible. Not just that, when you are happy, make the most of those moments of joy. There is a couplet I read in Urdu, which translates in English to ‘why did you not make the most of it when the sun was shining on you?’
We are mortals here and are given a limited amount of time. So, it is our responsibility to do whatever it takes to be happy. The purpose of our lives is to find our happiness and once we have found it, to help other people find it in their lives. We can’t be happy all the time but we should be happy as much as we can. We are alive, and we didn’t earn life. There will be pain. It is a given and inevitable. That shouldn’t stop us from seeking our happiness and clinging on it when we find it. That shouldn’t stop us from looking for our happiness and not stopping till we find it. Hold on to your joy, till you can, because it is certain that it will be taken away by pain, and you will need to earn it again. That is the continuum of life.
Thank you for reading.
The purpose of this blog to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share any posts you like with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.
I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.