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Too many people in the world are in pain in jobs, in their relationships. But they don’t quit because of the fear of the unknown. To them, the fear of the unknown is bigger than the certainty of pain that they currently experience. They have compromised with misery.
This post is for them. If you are one of those people who have compromised with misery in your current job or your current relationship, this is for you. I want to ask you to stop compromising with your misery, face the fear of the unknown and take the leap of faith to find happiness again.
There are a few significant forms of compromises people make. Let us look at each of them, and discuss if compromise is a good idea in any of these situations.
Stop compromising on your core desires
You don’t have to compromise on things you really care about. That’s practically self-sacrifice. Compromise on things that you don’t really care about much but in no case, don’t compromise on your personal desires.
For example, when in a relationship, if you desire to have kids, and your partner doesn’t want to have kids, it’s a dysfunctional relationship. You may want to say that you would compromise to keep the relationship alive, but if it’s a strong desire that you would not be able to live happily since having kids is something you really want.
A compromise is fine in matters not as important to you. For example, you may compromise on not eating ice cream when you want because your partner is cold, and can’t have it. It’s a small desire and not a core desire.
Similarly, you may have a few core desires in your professional life.
For example, one of the core desires in a professional life is between being an employee and being an entrepreneur. These are two different ways to look at life and quite stark from each other.
Now, if you see yourself as an employee, working with a company and optimizing their systems to help them grow, it is fine and you must not compromise on that. You should not take it from anyone who forces you to become an entrepreneur.
However, if you want to become an entrepreneur, then it is your core desire and you must not compromise on that. If you marry someone who values being an employee and you value being an entrepreneur, then it is a difficult decision to make since you may be asked or forced to compromise on something that core to you.
Do not compromise with pain
Do not compromise with pain and make it a consistent part of your life. It is not meant to be a consistent part of your life.
A lot of people do not have the courage of getting out of their painful situation because they are afraid of uncertainty. Why would you let your fear of uncertainty stop you from freeing yourself from the current painful situation? Why would you stick to pain?
Frankly, there is an answer here.
Most people stick to pain because they are comfortable with it, and they know it. They get used to it and it becomes a part of their lives. When they think about getting out of their painful situation, they see uncertainty and they are not confident that they would be able to find happiness again. They are scared that they may fail again and fall into another painful trap. So, they cling on to hope, expecting their current situation to improve at some point, which never comes.
Do not compromise with pain. If you have realized that the situation is not going to improve, walk out to freedom and take another shot at life, this time, a little wiser.
Never compromise your values and identity
You are a certain kind of a person who values a certain set of beliefs. Your identity and your values form you as a person and no matter what the stakes are, you should not be willing to compromise with who you are and your values.
For example, if you as a person values minimalism and you start dating a girl who values a materialistic life, there is a cause for a clash of values. You would try and convince her to keep your physical possessions to a bare minimal, while she would tell you to buy or she would buy herself a bunch of things because that’s what makes her happy.
Now, we are not passing a judgement here about materialism but the truth is that’s what makes her happy and if you don’t give her the goods or let her have them, she would not be happy. If you buy her all that she needs, you would not be happy, and she would tell you that you are not happy for the relationship, and that you do not love her, while the truth is that you value minimalism, and you can’t find happiness in things.
The issue of identity and values is one of the most important reasons why you must not compromise. There is nothing you would earn by compromising on anything that’s bigger than your identity.
When is it okay to compromise?
It is okay to compromise when the stakes are not that important for you and when you feel that the compromise is a fair bargain that is each party is giving up something they care about.
It is okay to compromise on materialistic needs for saving relationships. People are more important than things.
It is okay to compromise on money if you get to do meaningful work. Only a few people in the world are able to do work that they really care about. So, even in the beginning if you need to compromise on financial rewards in order to do the work you care about, it is a fair compromise.
It is okay to compromise with money if you save time. You can always make money when you work harder or smarter, but time once gone will never come back.
It is okay to compromise when compromising doesn’t affect your emotions negatively.
It is okay to compromise on your ego if it helps improve your personal, professional or social relationships. Ego is a relationship killer. People who think they are too big are not able to see the other person’s point of view and that leads to arguments and clashes.
It is not easy to answer the question about compromise for anyone looking at your life from a distance. Ideally, we should never compromise with anything in life, and live our lives exactly the way we want them.
However, relationships, whether personal, professional and social make It difficult to live happily without making certain concessions to other people or in other words, compromising. Therefore, we will need to compromise.
We must not compromise with our identity, values and core desires. Core desires could also be called as dreams. If you compromise on these things, they will haunt you for the rest of your lives, and you would never really be able to find happiness.
However, it is fine to compromise on matters which are not as important to you as those in the above paragraph. You want to keep your relationships and not be alone in life. Therefore, it is important to seek out people in life who are compatible with your values so that they would not force you to compromise on your values.
Thank you for reading.
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