Welcome to the happiness blog. In case you are visiting for the first time, please do not forget to follow. Each post on this blog has a single objective- to make your everyday life happier.
I have been trying to make you happier on this bog every day and so you should care about what I say about life, because your happiness is my only objective to write any of the posts here.
Now, that being said, this is an important piece since most people in the world in 2020 are not able to live the kind of lives they want to live because of the fear of other people. They are scared what would other people think of them. Now, if that’s something you face too, I will try to help you understand through this article that what people think of you doesn’t matter and so you should do what you really want to do with your life.
Let us look at 10 reasons why you MUST not care about what others think of you.
1. It absolutely doesn’t matter
Unless we are talking of your parents or family members you are financially dependent on for your life, it doesn’t matter what people really think of you. If you are not financially dependent on anyone, it absolutely doesn’t matter what people think of you. They can’t control the outcome, and they don’t own the journey.
Whether you will experience happiness or pain, it would be your own. So, you are not obligated to anyone to answer for your life and what you do with it.
2. It is just gossip
Let us say people talk about you behind your back. It’s a waste of their time. Why would you care about gossip? If they are saying well about you, it is likely to reach you. In that case, you are anyways doing a good job. If they are saying negative things about you, then it will reach you also. Now, if you agree with the criticism, you could do something about it, and if you don’t, you can completely ignore it. In all likelihood, you won’t receive any worthy criticism from people who are gossiping about you.
3. They don’t know a thing about you
People who gossip about you or talk behind your back, don’t understand you. In all likelihood, their judgement about any aspect of your life is going to be incorrect. People who know you or respect you would approach you directly if they were to make an honest and constructive comment, which you can choose to accept, or reject.
You could also explain your point of view, but any judgement that happens without your knowledge is a pointless discussion, which should not concern you.
4. Only you understand your motivations
Nobody, not even your parents understand you as well as you do. Even self-awareness is a lifelong process since we are always evolving and it takes continuous effort to understand ourselves. Now, when it is so difficult to understand ourselves, it is even more difficult to understand others. In fact, we may not really understand the motivations of other human beings unless we ask them why they do what they do. Most people do not make this effort of asking people the reasons for their behavior and just make assumptions about them. This is toxic and vicious since it creates a sort of jarring background music which is not pleasing to anyone, especially the person who is at the butt of these assumptions.
Since people do not understand your motivations, anything they say about them behind your back is bound to be erroneous and useless.
5. Caring about what others think of you is a way to kill your dreams
Look at the world around you. Most people are clones of most people. Everybody looks similar because people do not have the guts to be different and follow their dreams. People who have the courage to quit the monotony of life to follow their dreams are far and rare. If you are one of them, you are bound to attract criticism from the boring society which doesn’t have courage. All they are trying to do is to pull you down in the same crab box and not let you move higher.
You see, this is a vicious circle. People do not want others to follow their dreams just because they don’t have the guts to follow their dreams themselves. Stop caring about what others think of you especially if you are starting on the path of your dreams. You will be criticised and judged by hordes of people and some of you would have nothing to do with your life.
I am writing this article on a day where some people took screenshots of some of my comments on social media, analysed them as per their warped views and sent it to someone in my family. This is not the first time this has happened that someone criticized me but it is the first time that this kind of nuisance reached my home. I am warning you that stuff like this will happen to you and it helps to have a family that believes in you because if they don’t, they would unfortunately become a part of this miserable crowd and you would have to figure out how to deal with them.
6. You can’t please people and be happy yourself
There is no reason to please any one. That’s not how life is meant to be lived. You are a unique individual with a unique set of attributes. Every time you try to please people, you lose a bit of yourself. You can’t choose your parents. It is completely a matter of destiny what kind of parents you get. There are parents who are supportive of their kids, and their dreams. On the other side, there are parents who impose their own dreams on their children.
If your parents support your dreams, you are incredibly fortunate. If they don’t, do not waste your life pleasing them and choosing a career or a partner that they think is right for you. There is absolutely no guarantee that you would succeed in your choice of a career or with your choice of partner, but what’s certain is that in the second case, the responsibility for success or failure would be yours. You would be able to own up your life. However, if you try to please your parents and things turn out wrong, you would blame and abuse them for the rest of your life.
Similarly, do not please your partner or girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. This one relationship could make or break your life. People who have compatible partners who believe in things that they do are able to be happier and live better lives because there is a values match. However, if you are not compatible with your partner and you try and please them all the time, you would do that by sacrificing yourself in the process. Every time you would sacrifice yourself, you would feel unhappy about the relationship and you won’t be happy, and they won’t be happy either. Therefore, compatibility or the match of values is the most important thing about any relationship.
Do not please anyone. You are not here to please people. You are here to try and be happy. You can’t be happy by pleasing people. You can be happy by trying to make them happy your way.
7. Being you is the most important thing about your life
If you keep caring about what others think of you, when would you have the time toe yourself? It takes a lot of effort to understand yourself and start expressing yourself in the ways you think comes naturally to you. If your priority in life is to impress others and live your life according to their standards, you would never be able to carve out a unique identity for yourself.
8. Thinking about others stops you from being internally driven
There are two kinds of people in the world from a motivation standpoint-internally and externally motivated.
People who are externally motivated do things because the society respects them. They buy things so that they get respect in the society. They care about what others think of them, and that guides their decisions.
On the other hand, people who are internally driven do not care about external motivations. Their motivations come from inside of them, from purpose and self-awareness. They take the time to study themselves and find reasons for why they should do what they do.
The kind of motivation that creates happiness is internal because happiness is internal. If you keep thinking about what others are thinking of you at every step of your journey, you would never find the internal strength and motivation to take the important decisions that could guide you to inner happiness.
9. Not caring about what others think makes you mentally strong
You need thick skin to follow your dreams. You would be defeated, criticised and even abused. If you are lucky, which a few people are, the road will be smooth. For most people, it’s a tough road.
Therefore, only mentally tough people can embark on this journey. If you do, regardless of your choosing, you will become mentally strong. A lot of people break down on the journey and you may as well, but if you continue towards your goals and the kind of life you want to live, you will have no choice but a mind of steel.
Contrarily, people who care a lot about other people’s opinions are fickle and don’t make up their minds as easily since they need approval from a lot of people. As we mentioned earlier, they are externally driven, and hence it makes their decision making process and mental framework clogged with too many opinions that they need to respect.
10. You can only find happiness if you don’t care about what others think
I can’t really think of people who care about others think of them and can still find happiness. People who have achieved anything in their lives, anything worthy of achieving like a career doing what they love, or invented new things, or anything else that’s considered hero’s work have been criticized a lot.
They don’t care because they know that doing what they truly believe in makes them happy and that’s the reason they do in spite of what people think of them. If they cared about other people’s opinions, they would never have the courage to follow the path of their convictions and do that thing that makes them happy. I can guarantee you that if you keep caring about what the world thinks of you, you will never find happiness.
Thank you for reading.
The purpose of this blog to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share any posts you like with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.
I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.