In the last few years, Japanese techniques have flooded the internet.

These techniques offer you ways to be happy in both your personal and professional lives. Every day, one comes up with a new Japanese technique, that could improve your life, personally or professionally. With all due respect to the Japanese for being amazing folks with a plethora of thinking frameworks, I get tired of hearing a new one every day.

I thought I should contribute a few Japanese techniques myself. The contrast is that these techniques may ruin your life. It’s a joke and I request people in Japan and the rest of the world who are looking for Japanese techniques to take it sportingly.

Top 8 Japanese techniques that could ruin your life:

The Punchpunchu Japanese technique

The Japanese technique of punchupunchu means that every morning you wake up, you fart aloud. That announces to the world that a new day has started and now you are ready for it. You have the gas built up and you are a running cylinder.

You are now aware of your consciousness after a night of deep sleep.

The Japanese use this technique to announce to their family members and their neighbours that a wonderful new day has started.

They don’t say “good morning” in Japan. They follow the technique of punchupunchu.

Use this technique to start a new day and change your life.

The Suckowifi Japanese Technique

The Suckowifi technique used by Japanese could transform your romantic relationships. You tell your wife every day, suckowifi. All Japanese men tell this to their wives every day and that’s the secret of Japanese family culture. It means “you don’t suck the right thing.”

You could use this technique especially when you are having an argument with your wife or partner, and you feel that they are sucking in your life at the moment.

The Suckowifi technique is to bring your partner to focus on the right objects of suction.

The Okipawa Japanese technique

The Okipawa technique comes from the region of Okipawa in northern Japan (I repeat: it’s a joke. I have no idea if any such place exists).

Okipawa is a small island in Japan where only people taller than 7 feet in height stay. It’s called the yellow poles for some reason. If you want to live a really tall life, you should learn from the men and women in Okipawa.

They say, if you want to live tall, you should consider doing the following things, like the Japanese in Okipawa do:

After you have done punchupunchu, you find a tree near your home and hang to it for 2 hours every day. Go to work, find a pole and hang there for 2 hours. Come back and hang on to the tree again for 2 hours.

People in Okipawa do not live long, they live tall.

The Pomoboro Japanese technique

Work for 27 minutes and sleep for 2 hours. You can use this technique if you find your work extremely boring. Using this technique, you will never be able to quit procrastination. This technique is used by master procrastinators in Japan.

This set of people in Japan believe that work is a meaningless pursuit which has to be adhered to, because one’s got to live now that their parents had sex without their permission. So, they treat work as pain, and follow the pomoboro technique, which makes life less of a burden for them.

The Japanese Omelet technique

Japanese don’t have their Omelet cooked on a pan. They have it cooked in a cooker. You pour the eggs in a cooker and you whistle yourself 10 times. After the 10th whistle at a duration of 5 mins each, your Omelet is ready. The purpose of this excellent Japanese technique is to learn to whistle while making a food item. Essentially you end up having raw eggs because the cooker cannot cook omelet and learn about whistling in the process as well.

It is a way to attract young Japanese girls for marriage. No women make omelets in Japan. They are only made by men and boys. It is rites of passage for them.

The Sushipushi – Japanese techniques

Japanese find an hour every day where they jump into the nearest swimming pool and eat raw fish. The fishermen who catch the fish from the sea intentionally throw them into the swimming pools in urban areas in Japan, where citizens swim and eat the raw fish.

Japan has a pool infrastructure for community Sushipushi. People find time either in the morning or in the evening to eat raw fish. That’s why protein is never a problem for the Japanese and neither is swimming. Everyone has to Sushipushi and therefore, learn swimming.

The Sickomayi – Japanese techniques

The Sickomayi technique literally translates to the Japanese version of “to hell with you.” When the Japanese get sick of something, they tell  Sickomayi to the person who is making them sick. As per the latest data on sickomayi, the Japanese end up saying Sickomayi 10 times a day to people in either their professional or personal lives.

If you want to feel calmer and more peaceful, you may want to embody the sickomayi technique from Japan.

The Haua Japanese technique

Haua in Japanese means chest beating. The Japanese follow the Haua concept at the end of every day before they go to bed. This releases any stress accumulated in their chests and makes them feel lighter, because life is quite hard after all and this physical release makes them ready for the next day starting with punchupunchu.

Do the Japanese follow the Japanese concepts like Ikigai?

A third of Japan’s population is over 65 and they have no time for techniques like Ikigai. Someone or the other from the west goes to Japan to study and comes back with some new technique every time

However, the Japanese do follow concepts listed in this article. These are easier to follow than the ones the western media has made famous in the last few years.

If you want to ruin your life like the Japanese want, you may follow some of these techniques. The author of this article is a stand-up comedian and he was too bored reading about new Japanese techniques every day.

If you were offended reading the post, I would respectfully like to say Sickomayi.

In Conclusion– Japanese techniques

This whole thing is a joke. Some of the Japanese concepts like Ikigai and Kaizen could be life changing if they are applied in letter and spirit.

My only objective in writing this post was to make you laugh, and if you did, we achieved our purpose.

Why do I write this happiness blog?

The purpose of this blog is to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share the post with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.

I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.

Love,

Amarvani

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