Loneliness is an epidemic of the modern world, but I am telling you here that it is possible to live a life and not be lonely.
I used to be quite a lonely person for a long duration of my life, but in the last few years, I haven’t quite found myself lonely. I have faced other existential problems but loneliness, thankfully hasn’t been one of them.
Even as I write this, I know I have people around me I can speak to. I have friends I can talk to, whose numbers are there on my phone. I may choose to call or not, but their numbers are there and I know if I call, they will pick the call.
Sometimes, I may choose to be by myself and not talk to people, which is my choice, and that is solitude, but not loneliness.
I must be doing something right to not feel lonely at all. Wow, as I write this, I am asking myself, do I really feel it, and I know I do. I haven’t felt lonely in the last couple of years, or so and I am going to tell you how.
How to never be alone:
1. In order to overcome loneliness, understand that good people are looking for good company
Are you good company to be around with? Do people enjoy to be around you. Do they feel happy to be around you?
If the answer to the questions is yes, you will likely not have the loneliness problem. Whenever there are people about you, remember that your job is to make them happy. Nobody deserves your frustrations, not even your family.
Deal with your problems on your own, unless you need help, in which case, you can reach out to people. However, if you are always talking to people about your own problems, nobody would really want to talk to you or be friends with you.
People like to be friends with happy people. Become a happy person to never be alone.
2. Talk to people about them to never be lonely
People are interested in their lives. So, unless you are specifically talking about yourself as an agenda item, talk to people about their lives. People are interested in what’s going on in their lives, and not yours, most of the time.
Life is hard, and we are all dealing with random stuff getting messed up every day. Talk to people about how they are dealing with their problems. If you are interested in their lives, they will find you interesting.
3. Don’t look for company for the sake of company
You don’t always need company. Sometimes you need great company, and sometimes, you want to be by yourself. That’s the difference between solitude and loneliness.
Solitude is choosing to be by yourself. Loneliness is wanting to have good company and not having it. You do not want to have company for the sake of having company. That is, you do not want bad company. What do you want around you is people you admire for some reason or the other.
That’s the definition of good company- people you admire. So, if you are comfortable with solitude, and keep looking for people you admire without any ego, you will find them.
That brings me to the next point.
4. Don’t let your ego be a barrier in choosing people you admire
You don’t want your ego to be a barrier in choosing the kind of people you want to spend time with. Many a times we choose people for the sake of company whom we don’t like or admire and don’t hang out with people who are better than us because they scare us or make us feel smaller.
You want to hang out with people who are smarter than you, more driven than you. If you find such people, which you will find around you, don’t let your ego become a barrier in talking to them.
Remember, you are learning how to never be lonely. If you don’t want to be lonely, you need a reservoir or people you admire on your calling keys.
5. Build your tribe to never be lonely
Your tribe is people who share similar attitudes to life, or similar passion areas. For example, if you are a stand-up comedian, which is a great way to live life, your tribe is other stand-up comedians you admire personally or professionally.
If you are into fitness, your tribe is people who are as disciplined and focused about fitness as you are. If you find your tribe, you would never be lonely. So, always be building your tribe and have multiple tribes spread all over the place.
6. Become a warm person to never be lonely
You don’t want to be lonely right? If you want to do that, you want to learn how to be a warm person. It’s a cold world, and with the digital world taking over physical world, a lot of people have forgotten how to have real, meaningful conversations. People can’t say hello while looking into each other’s eyes, they don’t hug, and they can’t have a conversation without getting distracted.
If you want to get rid of loneliness once and for all, you want to learn to be a warm person who emanates warmth, when they meet people. Warm people make others feel that they care, because they really do.
7. Smile and be positive to never be lonely
You want to be become a warm person and warm people smile genuinely. Nobody likes a sullen grunt always complaining about a million things.
People like people who smile and are happy while dealing with the vicissitudes of every day life. We all have our problems, and are dealing with life in our own complex ways. Become a positive person who exudes positivity and life.
People who smile attract people who smile. Remember the tribe. Build a positive tribe.
8. Start conversations if you need friends/acquaintances
Why do we need to wait for others to start conversations, instead of starting them ourselves. Who the fuck do we think we are?
If you want to overcome loneliness for once and all, start conversations with people. You find someone interesting? Why don’t you go and say hello, my name is Blah. They may just respond that their name is Blah Blah, and there, you have a conversation going.
Be the first to initiate conversations. Some of your efforts will not work, but some will work, and you will not find yourself lonely anymore.
9. Choose a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend you love
Don’t get into a relationship just for the heck of getting into a relationship. Your relationship with your partner is the most important relationship in your life after your relationship with your parents.
This one, if you get it right, may solve 80% of your loneliness problems forever. I guess, since I have been with a relationship with the woman I am in, she has totally taken control of my companionship issues.
Sometimes, I do have problems of finding space, because she is with me physically or spiritually 🙂 all the time. Yeah, now that I think about it, I think my partner has played a huge role in overcoming my loneliness. If she didn’t choose me, I would have loitered around the world hither dither.
So, find a partner you love, and hopefully the one who loves you, or at least they claim so. I know, I am hilarious when I want to be.
10. Stay in touch with people you like and admire
Once you have found the people you like and admire, make an effort to stay in touch one way or the other. Life can get quite busy for all of us. Everyone’s busy and that is okay.
Once you have established some sort of friendship based on admiration, what you feel for each other doesn’t change, even if you don’t talk on a consistent basis. So, stay in touch, whenever you have an opportunity to do that- in a friend group, for a workout, whatever works.
…
So, there we are. Loneliness is quite hard because it could make us feel that people don’t like us, and we are not worthy of company.
However, if we try and add value to the world about us, by trying and make people happier, wherever we go, we are likely to find friends- people who inspire us to be better people and with whom we can share our lives and our happiness.
In Conclusion
I struggled through my school life for friends and company. This was because I was too shy and underconfident. I did not find the confidence till much later.
It perhaps takes a long time to realize that friendships and even acquaintances are about offering value to people, even in small interactions.
Why would people want to associate with you?
That is because you add value to the moments, they spend with you. You make those moments worthy, or happy.
Why do I write this blog?
The purpose of this blog is to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share the post with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.
I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.
Love,
Amarvani
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