How to deal with people who don’t understand you

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We want people to understand us, right. We do. want them to understand our feelings and our emotions. But, no matter how hard we try, some people just don’t understand us. They have a version of a reality and a version of an intended reality which doesn’t fit into our reality.

That makes relationships quite difficult. How do we deal with people who don’t understand us? All of us have at least one such person in our lives. If we are fortunate, we are surrounded by people who understand us and our motivations. But, for the unfortunate, nobody understands them and that makes the world a lonely place.

In order to live happily, we need to figure out how to deal with people who don’t understand us. The way to deal with these people depends on who they are really. It is not really a problem if they are emotionally far from us. It is a problem only when they are close to us.

That is the problem arises when you have to deal with people who don’t understand you are in your immediate family and friends. Let us try and deal with this problem accordingly.

How to deal with your parents if they don’t understand you?

How to deal with your parents if they don’t understand you?
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I just did a quick google search for this question and it turned in 4,70,00,00,000 results. That clearly means it is a burning question for millions of people around the world. If your parents don’t understand you, it is a huge problem because in most likelihood, if you are in a school or in college, you live with them and that leads to persistent arguments and unpleasant discussions.

The simple rule of thumb

Is that if your parents don’t understand you, you try and make them understand. Use logic and tell them that there is clash here because they don’t quite understand your point of view. Parents are usually quite conservative about their kids and hence they want you to play safe with your life.

However, you may want to take risks. You may want to do stuff that they haven’t done themselves. When you do stuff or want to do stuff that they don’t feel comfortable with since they don’t have a reference point, they are on their guard and they try to stop you from venturing in unknown territory.

Try and reason with them. However, if they still don’t understand you and you hit a roadblock, avoid the conversation. You will be forced to live with the realization that your parents do not understand you, and you would be required to carry on with your life irrespective.

Should you do things that they force you to do?

Ideally, you shouldn’t. But, if you are dependent on the, you simply don’t have a choice. However, you must figure out how to break free and stop your dependence on your parents in case they are forcing you to do anything that you do not want to do. When parents control the money in your pocket, they control your life and unfortunately, some parents do take advantage of this fact that they control your supply of money.

The only way to really break free from parents who do not understand you and are forcing you to do stuff that you don’t want to do is to become financially independent and walk out of the house. That ways you will be able to maintain the love and respect and be able to do what you want to do with your life.

However, offending your parents and causing them pain should never be your goal. There is nothing wrong in being selfish for your own happiness, but you don’t cause them pain deliberately. In case they feel pained that you don’t do what they want you to do, there is nothing you can really do about it. You are not a puppet that they want you to be. You are a human being with your own instincts and desires, and they can’t quite force you to do anything, be it personal or professional.

If you are able to help them see your part of the reason

That is the best case scenario because that ways, there would be no animosity in the relationship, and you would be able to solve the problem with misunderstanding or lack of understanding.

You must try and understand their point of view. They would probably be trying to be protect you from harm or pain. However, in the process, they end up causing you pain because they don’t see the things you see.

This is quite the problem of the generation gap where the next generation sees things quite differently than the previous generation. If you are under 18, you should try and listen to your parents since they have seen more life than you have, and you are too young to shake up things yourself.

How to deal with your partner if they don’t understand you?

Lack of communication can kill relationships.
Photo by cottonbro on

Another important person in your life is your partner and if they don’t understand you, life can become quite miserable. You live with them and you carry your life with them. You are trying to create a future with them. If they don’t understand your priorities, it is difficult.

If your partner doesn’t understand you, then you need to make it work because if they don’t understand you on important matters, the relationship would break. That is why, compatibility is the most important factor in relationships.

There are a few things you can do to help them see your side of the story:

1. Make them understand how your opinion would help the relationship

Your partner is also interested in making the relationship work. That is why they are with you to start with. If they are finding it hard to see reason in your arguments, that’s because they don’t understand how your opinion is best for the relationship. If you are sure that you are right, help them understand since the goal is similar for both of you.

2. Short-term vs. long term approach

A lot of clashes happen in relationships because the people involved look at the future differently. If you are focused on the long term (5 + years), and your partner cannot look beyond the urgent, then there is a reason for an argument which would happen. You need to arrive at a balance where the short-term and the long term are both taken care of.

3. Fix lack of communication

Lack of communication could literally kill relationships. No matter what happens, keep discussing the issues that create dissonance. Lack of communication can and does kill relationships.

4. Apologize if that can fix the relationship

Ego could destroy relationship in multiple ways. Two people living together with their personalities and egos is a big deal to start with. There will be a clash of priorities and egos if the goals are different. The key is to have minimal clashes and be able to see things in the same direction. It takes a lot of work to make a relationship work. If you think you have caused hurt without intention, there is nothing wrong in killing your ego and apologizing.

5. The goal of a relationship is collective happiness

The whole point of any relationship is collective happiness, which is both the people involved in the relationship find happiness. Now if that’s not happening, there is a problem. You need to see how you can make the relationship better and happier, and that’s the only way to make a relationship work. You need to sit down with your partner in case the relationship is not achieving happiness for both of you.

6. Look at how far you can go

If the relationship is not working because you think no matter how hard you try, your partner still doesn’t understand you, you need to make a call together how far both of you can do. If it doesn’t get fixed, it is pointless to waste each other’s lives and you may be better off in going in different directions. We have one life, we shouldn’t be wasting it on painful relationships. Neither you, nor your partner deserves it.

Our relationship with our parents and that with our partner are the most important relationship in our lives and if either of these sets of people don’t understand us, it makes life extremely difficult.

We need to find ways to make our partners and our partners on our team. If they aren’t on our team, life gets lonely, and it is anyways a difficult fight. We need to find a way to deal with these sets of people if they don’t understand us. They are inside our homes, and we can’t just wish them away.

How to deal with friends who don’t understand you

Do not have friends who don't understand you.
Photo by Davide De Giovanni on

Literally, this one is easy. Find better friends.

Thankfully, there is an emotional distance between us and our friends, unlike between us and our partners/parents. If you have friends who don’t understand you, then I would highly recommend that you move on and find better friends.

Make friends with people who you admire

Always spend time with people you want to be like. Spend time with people you admire. That way, you would want to be like them. Great friends make life easier and happier. We are able to discuss both our personal lives and professional lives with them. They understand us and we can unwind with them, when happy or when in pain. Therefore, it is important to have friends who understand our view of life.

While you try to help people understand you, also seek to understand people. Most people are not bad. That includes the above sets of people- your parents, your partners or your friends. They are not bad people. They may just have a different worldview or a different way to look at and find happiness.

Most problems can be solved by open communication. In relationships, there is no other thing more important that seeing the one you love and care about happy. If they are happy, then the relationship is going in the right direction. If they are unhappy, then the relationship is troubled. Your job is to do what you can to make them happy. If you are struggling to make them happy, maybe that’s why they also struggle to see your point of view and it becomes a sort of a vicious circle.

The key to making people understand you is to help them see your motivations. You behave the way you do because you are motivated by a certain set of things. The problem arises when people in your life do not understand what drives you. It could be your craving for love or for freedom. It could be your desire to create your life in a certain way. It could be regarding your identity or anything else that they don’t understand. People who love you want you to be happy. That should be their reason to try and understand you. If they don’t want to see you happy, then their reasons for the relationship are misplaced, no matter who they are. Do your best to help people understand you, but don’t stake your life on it.

Thank you for reading.

The purpose of this blog to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share any posts you like with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.

I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.



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