How to save your relationship, that seems to be dying? You are at the brink of your relationship falling apart, and you don’t know what to do. Also read this article, if you are in a relationship that’s dead, and merely exists as a social stamp so that you can tell others you are STILL in a relationship or marriage.
Although all kinds of relationships fail, including those of parents and children, siblings, friendships, this article will focus on saving man-woman relationships, that seem to be heading towards either a break-up or a divorce.
If you really think about it, the most important of all relationships we form out of our own will, is the relationship with our partner. We want to love, and be loved and we want that love to last. Unfortunately, a lot of people say, that love is not enough, and for them, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It is quite hard to make a relationship work, and in spite of a lot of our efforts, relationships fail, and it is extremely painful. They take years of work, financial and emotional investments, and even then, they fail.
For the context of this article, we are talking about relationships where the partners involved are living together, like in a marriage, or a live-in relationship. Dating is a far different and low stakes game than a marriage, and the rules are different. You don’t know anything about the strength of your love, unless you are living under the same roof.
Lack of trust in each other leads to complete lack of interest. There could be several reasons why your partner may not trust you or you don’t trust your partner. These could be cheating, infidelity, emotional distance, or total lack of communication. Communication and constant resolution of pending conflicts is essential for any relationship, and if trust breaks, relationships break.
2. Physical distance could, and does kill relationships
Let us be honest with each other. Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow fondle someone else.
Jokes aside, romantic relationships need physical proximity. Life is full of ups and downs, and we want to share the joy or ups and the pain of downs, with our partner. They are the most important person we have chosen for our lives beyond our parents, and we want them to be around us physically.
Lack of physical proximity leads to distrust, and emotional distance, which could lead to failure of a carefully tended to relationship.
3. You don’t feel any love whatsoever anymore
Although I have never personally experienced love coming to an end, when it originally existed, it is a possibility. Perhaps the most important aspect of a relationship is compatibility. People aren’t individually bad, when relationships don’t work out, they just aren’t a match for each other. They have a different value set, and that makes living together hard and painful.
If you don’t feel any love for your partner and they seem like a stranger to you, it is inevitable that the relationship is bound to fall apart.
4. Lack of financial stability can kill healthy relationships
Wherever there are financial constraints in relationships, relationships could fall. You want to live in a decent house, have a car or at least a vehicle to go about, be able to eat well, and eat out once in a while. These things are things, but they are important things.
So, figure out the money equation in the relationship. Regardless of all this equality debate, in most cases, the man has in the past, and will continue to bear the primary responsibility of the financial status of a relationship.
This is because women have other things to do as well, like running the house which they are naturally good at, go through periods every month, which are painful, and eventually bear kids. Men don’t have to do all this, and so they need to run after money. I don’t care if some people call this sexism. Some people are idiots.
5. Cheating kills relationships, so don’t cheat to save a relationship
This is an extension of the point on trust. If you seek out relationships outside your relationship, you are bound to fail. One relationship only is extremely hard to keep healthy, and you want more- that’s just being stupid. If you go outside for company, when you are in a relationship, your relationship has already failed.
6. There is no physical intimacy or sex
Sex is like money. If you are getting enough, you can think about other matters of life. If you aren’t getting any or enough, there is nothing else you think of.
You see, sex is an important part of a relationship. Be it men or women, we crave sex. We crave physical intimacy. You want to hug, hold your partner’s face, kiss, be kissed, be made love to, as much as possible. If you are giving and getting this affection, you are in a healthy relationship. Otherwise, your relationship has failed. It is a social stamp to tell the society that you are in a relationship. Fuck society.
Alright. Now that we have looked at why relationships fail, let us look at how to save a relationship or a marriage for that matter.
7. There must be love, for a meaningful relationship to exist
As per the dictionary, a marriage in which the bride and groom were chosen to marry each other by their parents or other relatives
Arranged marriages are marriages arranged because people have reached a certain age, and they have no confidence to date, or ask someone out. So, they either make a profile on a matrimonial site or tell their parents to make one, because they are desperate and can’t do anything about it.
To be fair to them, some of these couples do develop love for each other post marriage, since no love but lust exists in the beginning. Most of these marriages barely exist as social stamps and nothing else.
If you want a relationship to meaningfully last, love is the foundation. You need to have some genuine affection for the person you are sharing your home with. If you want to save your relationship, you need to figure out how to reinvigorate the love that used to be.
Now, the problem with sex is that you need to want to have it. You would want to have sex when you are feeling loved, taken care of, and feel genuine affection if not love for your partner. The problem with married life is that there are a lot of existential problems, which sometimes, take over, making you sullen and in an ill mood. When you are in an ill-mood, you do not want to have sex.
So, make the time to create favorable circumstances or environment for sex. Go out of your regular life, take a break, go out of town, or just take a leave from work and spend time together. Schedule the damn thing, if you must. But, do it.
A sexless marriage or a relationship is meaningless, unless both the partners are mutually comfortable with it, and have expressed that to each other, whatever.
When you have pending conflicts, and they aren’t resolved, and new ones keep piling up, it becomes emotional poison which kills a relationship gradually. You are living together and can’t see eye to eye because the poison that those conflicts have created is piling up inside you.
You could explode anytime and so could you partner. The only way to make a relationship better to address those conflicts, apologise for your part of the problem, and resolve to behave in a manner which is more considerate of each other.
Conflicts, left unresolved, could permanently destroy your relationship.
10. Talk it out to save your relationship
As far as jokes go, I saw a video sometime back where a guy is asking an old couple about the secrets of their marriage, and the old man ends up saying: Talk a lot, fuck a lot.
Well, jokes are after all based on some life facts. You need to have regular communication with your partner about everything-everything. After all, they are your life partner and there is no subject that is beyond bounds for them. You want to talk about your joys, pains, struggles, successes and failures. Even if you are dating, your boyfriend or girlfriend are literally the most important person in your lives, parents being the exception, but we are talking about people we choose.
Always have a chat. If you don’t talk, where is the bond?
11. Do not let yesterday’s fights spoil today to save a relationship
Yesterday is gone. The past is done with. This goes true for all matters of life. When you sit down to resolve yesterday’s conflicts emotionally, look at them as conflicts of the past, and resolve to become a better person today.
Time is passing by, as I write this, and as you read this. There is so much life we have. Don’t let it go without love.
It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t your fault. Did you end up shouting? Yes, then it was your fault. Here is the thing. We are all struggling and trying to be better people and better partners. Sometimes, they will fuck up and sometimes, you will.
If it makes them feel better, say sorry, and move on. What’s important is that the love stays intact. Read that again.
13. Buy her flowers and chocolates- save your relationship
Women like flowers and chocolates. I mean, most women like flowers and chocolates, since people get offended at anything you say these days. So, if she is in a bad mood, buy her flowers and/or chocolates.
Roses are great, but orchids are amazing.
14. Nobody understands women, including women
As a man, this is man to man advice. Don’t try to understand women, love them.
Women are complex creatures and they have a lot of stuff going inside their bodies. Periods are the most popular of that stuff. Blood oozes out of their body and it does make them mad. If it happened to men, it would make us mad too.
She is trying to work, be financially independent, and figure how to run a house at the same time, while feeling ambiguous about everything.
When she wants to become a mother, she has to go through unimaginable period of painful gestation of 9 months. She pukes, feels the kicks inside, goes mad, wants to go out but can’t, can’t walk much when the doctor asks her to move, among other things.
You loved her, right, when you started the relationship. She became from a stranger, to your girlfriend or even bigger, your wife. You and she spent years in making it work, and now, because things have become harder, you want to let it go, you jerk!
Here is the thing. Love is the most important contributor to our happiness during the course of our lives. It is a privilege that someone loves you, and cares for you. If you have found love even once in your life, don’t you fuckin let it go. You don’t know if you will find it again. Do yourself a favour.
In Conclusion
Relationships are hard, but love is precious. Every relationship goes through several ups and downs during the course of life, and what matters is love and respect through those patches of difficulty.
If you get through those, while still in love, you will sail through.
Why do I write this blog?
The purpose of this blog is to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share the post with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.
I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.
Love,
Amarvani
If you enjoyed this post, maybe you would like to read this one as well:
Relationships end for many reasons but one you have forgotten.. Love cannot save a partner that develops dementia and makes decision to move in with sister.. no matter how much you love someone if they are no longer able to accept or love you and they treat you like a stranger move on… it is a tough torturous road otherwise beating yourself up is a waste of time..
I agree, Becky. There are circumstances beyond the scope of the piece, like the one you have mentioned here. I agree, when the relationship becomes meaningless, it’s best to move on, for both partners. Thanks for reading.
1) Get ex-boyfriend back………………
2) Stop divorce.
3) Save dying marriage/relationship
4) Herpes cure..
5) Resolve relationship/marital issues
6) Reclaim Soulmate.
7) Make Ex run after you
8) Return/reunite with Ex
9) Make him committed.
10) Make your ex-husband/wife to love just you
Relationships end for many reasons but one you have forgotten.. Love cannot save a partner that develops dementia and makes decision to move in with sister.. no matter how much you love someone if they are no longer able to accept or love you and they treat you like a stranger move on… it is a tough torturous road otherwise beating yourself up is a waste of time..
I agree, Becky. There are circumstances beyond the scope of the piece, like the one you have mentioned here. I agree, when the relationship becomes meaningless, it’s best to move on, for both partners. Thanks for reading.
1) Get ex-boyfriend back………………
2) Stop divorce.
3) Save dying marriage/relationship
4) Herpes cure..
5) Resolve relationship/marital issues
6) Reclaim Soulmate.
7) Make Ex run after you
8) Return/reunite with Ex
9) Make him committed.
10) Make your ex-husband/wife to love just you