Adult life is hard. Why is adult life so (overwhelmingly) hard, and is there anything we can do about it, to make the burden a little lighter?

Hey, I feel what you feel. If you are an adult, with the burden of life all over you every day, I feel what you feel.

Adult life is overwhelmingly hard. They don’t teach us in schools and colleges how to adult, like they say these days. Adulting is difficult, and all of us figure it hard, so never quite figure it out. Life takes over, and we go with whatever best we can do under the circumstances.

Why is adulting so difficult?

When we are children, people let us be. Our parents raise us, and innocence is just accepted. We don’t know how to do anything, and we are learning to walk, to drive a bicycle, to eat, to do whatever are considered the basics of life. Then, we turn 18, and boom!

We are suddenly this evolved creature called an adult who is supposed to have everything figured about important questions like the below:

If you are familiar with the above questions, congratulations, you are an adult. Oh, sorry, my condolences, you are an adult, and so you must learn how to behave as an adult.

What sucks about being an adult

The hard thing about being an adult that is that we have to figure out everything as we go. New problems emerge every day, which you didn’t know about earlier, and now suddenly you are supposed to deal with them. That sucks about being an adult.

All of us lose our innocence, as adult, for good or for bad. That’s not the sad part. The sad part is that most people forget to smile or laugh, because the burden of responsibility is so much as an adult. There are a million things to do, and people get stuck in the vicious circle of survival. They forget their dreams, and just live day-to-day hoping one day, things will miraculously change.

I think we have established the context that adult life, or adulting, as it is commonly called by the millennials or whatever new generation it is, is quite hard. Now we will look at how to deal with adult life.

How to deal with adult life

Frankly, I don’t have a clue. I am not sure how well I am doing myself, since this afternoon, I found myself sitting in a hospital, and wondering what the fuck was going on. However, I am a writer, and so I like to probe the questions my mind comes up with, and so here we are.

The question isn’t also how to deal with adult life. The right question to ask is, how to deal with adult life in a way to make it lighter and enjoyable?

Adulting is hard- the burden of adult life

I am drifting between intensity and humor through this piece, deliberately. I can invoke humor at will, since I am also a stand-up comedian. Adult life is so hard and burdensome that we need to use a mixture of maturity (another word I don’t quite like), and humor in the right doses, and then hopefully, we may survive.

A lot of famous people have committed suicide in the last few years. Robin Williams, Chester Bennington being global examples of extremely successful men, who killed themselves, than dealing with adulthood. We don’t know what went wrong in their minds, but adult life does weigh quite heavy for most of us.

We may not be able to express it in words, but all of us deal with relationship issues, death of people we grew up with, career issues, existential issues which need money, health problems among other challenges, which we are left to understand and deal with on our own.

Can adult life be happier, still?

Don’t get me wrong. I am quite a positive and happy person. It’s just that some days, life gets me, and I find it hard to find a smile on my face. Perhaps, this is one of those days, but you see, we are still trying.

You see, we don’t have a choice. We cannot lead lives as innocent children, and have to jump into the world, and try to find joy, for ourselves, and for people we care about. So, we will try, and we must.

18 tips on dealing with adulthood- because hello, 18 is when you are considered an adult:

1. Adult life is hard- it brings responsibility

You will be responsible for stuff, a lot of stuff and there is no way out. Accepting the fact, rather than rejecting it, may make adult life a little less heavy. Instead, if you keep fighting the fact that you don’t want responsibility, frankly, nobody cares.

It is the circle of life. When you grow older, your parents move towards 50’s or 60’s or whatever it is. They can’t be permanently working and feeding you, and so you need to take responsibility for your life, and whatever you want to make of it.

2. How to handle adult life- stay connected with people

This thing can get exceedingly lonely. Adulting, as some people have rightly observed, could be quite depressing, if you always find yourself alone. There is a difference between chosen alone time, which is called solitude, and loneliness that is thrust upon you, which is essentially the absence of company you desire.

If you want to cope with adulthood somewhat successfully, never stop looking for company you want- your life depends on it. Thankfully, it’s not as hard as it looks. You find someone you like, and you say hello, and not waiting for them to say hello, because most people won’t.

3. Why is adult life so hard- money matters

I have said this several times on this blog that money is not the purpose of life. However, we cannot live without money because money is the fuel of adult life. Whatever you wish to do, you need money for it, and so respect money, don’t abhor it.

When you don’t have money, or enough money to fuel stuff you want to do, there is pain and distress, which makes life really hard. So, figure out ways to make more money. The more money you have, the more you can do with life.

4. Why is adult life so hard- personal relationships

Probably the hardest thing about adult life is how to build and maintain strong personal relationships. This means relationships with your partner, with your parents, with your siblings, that is, the people who are supposed to be the closest to you- family.

There are people who have a blessed family- one where everyone loves each other. Then, there are people with toxic families. The former do not find adulting as hard, as the latter, because family is the root of life. The stronger the root, the stronger the plant.

5. Finding work that you value is hard

Most people do not spend enough effort in finding work they value and respect, because they get stuck in the rut of survival. Survival needs do not allow you to think beyond the basics of existence like food, and shelter. Perhaps one of the greatest tips for adulting is to make time for finding work you value, for like Steve Jobs said that work will fill a large part of your life, and it only makes sense to do what you consider great work.

Even if you and I don’t reach what we consider great, at least we shouldn’t do work we consider abhorrent.

6. What makes adult life hard- self care

Health becomes more and more important as years pass. If you want to go through adult life well at all, you need to take care of your health, and health as several dimensions- physical, mental, financial, spiritual, emotional etc.

It is hard to take care of ourselves and finding time for each area. The only way to take care of health is to make it a way of life. You must make time for your health every day, because if you don’t, you won’t be able to do adulthood, and fulfil the myriad duties that come along.

7. Learning to deal with the real world as an adult

As adults, we face, the greatest test of life- the real world. School and college is suddenly over, and we are facing jobs, relationships, lack of friends about us, which used to be a given during school or college- suddenly, a brick hits us. There is no way out since we are now adults and cannot go back in time, and need to figure the whole thing out as we go.

The truth is that real world is hard, and we need to figure out how to be hard physically, and mentally to deal with the real world. That makes adult life quite messy, and yes, hard.

8. How to enjoy adult life- do stuff you enjoy

The tragedy of adulting or adult life is that most people tend to forget how to have fun. The pressures of adult life, of all the things we have discussed above, dulls people into walking carcasses. Just look around a set of people going to work in the morning or coming back in a tube or a metro train. They are drooping low, feeling sad, and just generally not alive.

On the contrary, kids are always looking at ways to have fun. That’s true that kids do not have responsibility and the pressure of adult life but the point of putting fun back into adult lives is to do responsibility and do fun both. Live life is a way where it feels like a blessing.

9. How to survive adult life- learn to be grateful

One of the most powerful forces in the world, or what I may call a basic skill for joy, is gratitude. You may feel that rightfully that adult life is hard, but the fact that we have a life that we are learning to live every day, and find happiness in it, is a cause for joy. If you look for reasons to be grateful, you will find them- your family, or people that love you, parts of your work if not all of it, small stuff that gives you joy.

Cultivate gratitude for life every day, and adult life will feel a little easier to handle.

10. Why being an adult is hard- comparison with others

One of the reasons people find adult life unbearable and overwhelming is because they are always comparing themselves to others and other peoples’ standards.

Take this from me, if you are on a daily dose of OPL (other people’s lives), you will find adulting extremely hard.

You need to learn how to stop comparing yourself to others and live your own life. Nature made you and your life different, and the only thing you can do about other people’s lives if you find theirs better is to learn from them. If you want to go through this, and you do, that’s why you are reading this- stop comparing yourself to others, and their lives.

11. Use optimism, and positivity to make adult life joyful

It takes a lot of effort to not allow negativity to seep into your life. Once it does, and stays for a long time, it stays for even longer, and becomes depression. If you want to make adult life not depressing, and joyful, work on thinking positively. It takes a lot of mental effort to reject negative thoughts, and think in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.

Work hard on your mind and do not allow negative thoughts. Negative thinking is not the same as practical thinking. Negative thinking is life-sucking.

12. What makes adult life depressing- ego

People who have a big ego, and they are full of themselves, seldom find any joy.  

They are not interested in other people. All their conversations center around themselves and they don’t have an ability to talk about others. All of us have problems, and people in general like people who listen to them. If you want to be a better person, work on consciously reducing your ego and get interested in other people’s lives. Try to use your talents and abilities to make others happier, like I am trying to do here, and don’t take yourself too seriously.

13. What makes adult life quite hard- lack of meaning

You need to create meaning or find meaning in your life. No meaning exists, unless you create it. The same can be said for joy.

If you feel your days are worthless, you will find no joy in anything you do. The question does life have meaning or not is a hard one, for all of us need to answer that question ourselves. The way to find meaning is through service and purpose. It takes self-evaluation and understanding why you do what you do. You need to understand your motivations, and your desires, and then act accordingly in congruence. That’s the short answer. The long answer is a life of purpose.

14. How to make adult life happier- find purpose

Your life purpose is why you do what you do, and what are you trying to achieve with your days, while you are life.

To find meaning in your life, and feel real joy, you would need to connect everything you do with a life purpose. Adult life is quite hard and if you want to go through your days feeling good about yourself, you would need to know that what you do has some meaning, and it’s not all wasted. Therefore, find your life purpose and align your life around it.

15. Things that make adult life hard- death

You and I will die. People around us will die, just like people who came before us have. No, that doesn’t make dealing with death easier. However, of all the things that can be debated, death is not one of them.

When someone close to you will die, you will cry, and howl. I will cry and howl and that’s how it is. We cannot suppress and shouldn’t suppress our emotions when we feel pain. It is a part of adult life and we need to deal with it, and live our share of days on earth.

16. How to make adult life joyful- live in the present

To live in the present, is one of my top agendas in life right now, and hopefully forever till I live. I am 42 at the time of writing this, and a lot of life has gone past. There is future that I am anxious about, as all of us are, but I know I cannot live there.

So, I do everything in my physical and mental capacity to try and live in the present moment. The same moment, will NEVER come again. Stop feeling sad about the past, or even nostalgic about it. It is a waste of the present. The future, when comes, will be the present. Be here, right now, for it is all there is.

17. How to cope with adulthood-indulge in small things that bring joy

Do not miss the small joys of life. Those are joys to be had, and you are missing them, in the garb of adulthood.

Dance in the rain, like you are 5.

Clap when something makes you happy.

Gaze at flowers.

Laugh loud, really loud.

Stop caring about what anyone is thinking-nobody really gives a damn.

18. Remember that adult life is life- don’t waste it

As hard as adult life is, it’s fucking precious life. So, do everything that your heart craves for. Spend time with people who make you happy, dance, sing, do meaningful work, laugh and cheer for the love of life.

There is pain, and there is joy. Do not mix the two. Every day, as adults we go through a lot. A lot of it is hard, and there are a lot of beautiful moments to be had, in the midst of all of that. I hope you find joy in your days, for most of our lives are adult lives, and we must live them with joy and gratitude in our hearts.

In Conclusion-

I write on this happiness blog about happiness and joy. The reason I wanted to write about adulthood is because it is quite hard and many times, I get overwhelmed. I am quite mentally strong, but I am not always playing it strong. So, I thought a guide on how to deal with adulthood would be nice. So, here it is. Wish you love and joy.

Why do I write this happiness blog?

The purpose of this blog is to help you find your happiness. Please read the other posts on the blog, and follow so that you get updates when new posts are published. Please share the post with your friends so that they can also find their happiness. If you have any feedback for me, please leave it in the comments and I would be happy to work on it. If you would like to support my writing and this blog, you may please send a donation through PayPal here.

I appreciate the time you spent in reading the blog and wish you happiness.

Love,

Amarvani

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